11 Mighty Ways of Highly Effective Teens - Genuine Listening
Earlier this year, one of my close friends came to me to share about a situation she was in. She told me about what happened and how she was feeling. I interpreted this as her desire for me to offer a solution for her issue, and that’s exactly what I attempted to do. But she became upset at that. All she wanted was for me to listen to her and be a shoulder to cry on, rather than solve her case. I didn’t realize this intent because I was trying to jump straight to the solution without genuinely listening to her and understanding the situation at hand.
Genuine listening is whole-heartedly listening to what people have to say; it’s putting aside your own personal judgments to truly understand what someone else is feeling. The saying “treat others the way you want to be treated” captures this well. When you are talking with a friend about something important, you want them to pay attention to you and understand you, rather than zone out in the middle of your rant. Likewise, you should give your full awareness to your friend when they are at the other end of the conversation. When you listen to each other this way, you form a close connection and a stronger relationship.
These are three parts to genuine listening:
1. Listening with your eyes, heart, and ears
There is a difference between just hearing what someone is saying and listening to them. Hearing doesn’t require an understanding of what’s happening and involves just your ears. On the other hand, listening and true communication not only require your ears, but also your eyes, heart, and empathetic body language. It involves 7% words, 53% body language, and 40% vocal tone. Small things like making eye contact and shifting emphasis on different words while talking go a long way towards showing the person that you care and understand.
2. Standing in their shoes
Standing in their shoes means that you put yourself in their situation and think. When we do this, we can better understand what the other person is going through. We can more accurately relate to their feelings, and therefore have an overall better approach to the situation as opposed to blindly throwing out random solutions.
3. Mirroring
In mirroring, you explain what someone tells you in your own words, so they know that you care and are trying to understand their situation. This differs from mimicking though. Mirroring emphasizes understanding and is caring, while mimicking is merely restating the issue. Some examples of mirroring phrases are “It sounds like you feel” or “So, as I see it…”
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had the tendency to shy away from making eye contact with people because I believed it made situations awkward. But I was wrong. Once I started implementing mirroring phrases and making eye contact in conversations, I noticed a change. I was able to have deeper conversations and develop strong connections with people.
Relationships are a key part of success. We all need that support from our friends, family, mentors, and relatives. The way to achieve this is to show your loved ones that you care about them and are willing to understand them. Genuine listening is a great way to achieve this important outcome. Wishing you the best as you utilize this valuable strategy to become the best version of yourself…
Mallik Reddyis the Founder and Chief Coach of Leadership GYM, a free leadership and personaldevelopment program for high school students. The series ’11 Mighty Ways of Highly Effective Teens’, based on the book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens’ by Sean Covey, explores 11 ways for teens toincorporate mega habits and principles into their life to become their best version. You can reach him at mallik.a1.reddy@gmail.com
Tanvi Akula, Junior at BASIS Peoria
tanvi.akula@gmail.com